When the Pen Runs Dry

When writing is not there for me, God is. This thought is obviously backwards, but it came to me that way. Yesterday at an Alabama English teacher’s conference, my colleague volunteered my poem to be real aloud-not to a close-knit group but to around one hundred English teachers, including one very famous teacher and writer from California. The poem was the product of an exercise the speaker had us teachers do within five minutes: writing an imitation poem based on Coifer’s “Women Who Love Angels.” I reluctantly cleared my dry and timid throat and read in the lowest tone possible my poem, “Boys Who Love Work.”

That day I didn’t feel like a writer, although I was forced to be one. That day I actually was bothered by the fact that I couldn’t write what and when I wanted. So I put the pen down.

Nonetheless, I realized something the next morning in church, something quite a jump from the previous day’s events: I can “write” to God my broken phrases and His Spirit translates. Writing is a craft and a gift to many, but prayer is a miracle and a supernatural connection to the ultimate Connector, Weaver, and Author of life, the Lover of dark, complicated, never out of reach souls.

John 16: 23-24
“In that day you will not question Me about anything. Truly, truly I say to you, if you ask the Father for anything in My name, He will give it to you. Until now you have asked for nothing in My name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full.”

I have the most joy when I am able to help others be who God created them to be, as they realize their talents and regain confidence that their life matters. I gain the most blessing when others help enable me to realize and make steps toward who God created me to be. And, I am learning that part of God’s joy (who can tell how many levels of emotion or greatness this includes) is when I prove to be one of His. We feel so connected and close to others when they are “thinking about” us, praying for us; how much more loved are we by the human Son of God who prayed for us before his death? He wanted us to be “one” with each other. It seems from His words that when we pray to God, we are “abiding” with God as He does with His Father: being “one” with Him. Christ wants that for us on earth as well. He wants us to love each other better as we become bound up in seeking His Father in prayer. I only pray to understand what makes God pleased with me, as I act on this truth, as I do things that reveal who I live for. But, I rest in the fact that He is pleased with me through His Son’s work, which enables me to take hold of the life He called me to by the faith He provides.

Sure my faith is weak, my obedience lacking, and my love of my neighbor even absent at times. But He has knit my heart so that it is bound up in His, and slowly He draws me to see that I am captive to its will despite my wandering.

As a very “human” being, presently I am simply surprised that my heart is beginning to desire things that He commands: to love my neighbor and to strengthen the hands that are weak. But also present is the sense of inadequacy of my hands to do those very things. As a teacher, I am by title an enabler- it’s supposed to be within me to do it. I give that-that desire, tainted with doubt and questions, to my Father and ask Him to strengthen my hands first, sharpen my mind, and purify my heart. And in doing so, I am at rest below His throne and see how beautiful communion with Him is and will be…and hope that the weaker ones (some very confused but also gifted twelve-year-olds that I teach) can be helped.

My “pen” didn’t write these things into being; the God of the universe did, onto my heart. And, ironically, He does that sort of thing the day after some pretty humorous moments.